Believe Women

Would you believe me if I told you that I struggle with self worth and self love, and that I wish I cared about myself a fraction of what I feel for my children and family?

Would you believe me if I told you that I still clearly remember my mother telling me that she wished I was never born? That some days those words still ring in my ears louder than any words of affirmation and drown out any of my accomplishments?

Would you believe me if I told you she locked me out of the house when she was upset with me, and my younger sister stood on the other side of the door, trying to unlock the door and let me back in? And that I still remember my sister looking through the plexiglass window from inside, her innocent face riddled with sadness and confusion, and we were both crying because we didn't understand what was happening.


Would you believe me if I told you I grew up and married a man who was abusive and full of hate?

Would you believe me if I told you he took my crutches away from me when I was injured and trying to get from my living room to the bathroom? And that he thought it was funny? And that I still remember exactly the way his laugh sounded as I leaned against the pale yellow walls of the hallway and my body shook with grief and rage? And that I had to crawl the rest of the way to the bathroom?

Would you believe me if I told you he said to me: "Why don't you just fuck off and die?!?!" as we were on a road trip to visit his family? And that the flickering street light towering over the entrance ramp and the faded white lines of the freeway were the only witnesses?

Would you believe me if I told you that these memories will never disappear, that they have only faded and blurred a little over the years? That my story is not unusual? That women suffer in silence because they are too afraid, embarrassed, or confused by what happened to them to be able to share their experience?


Would you believe me if I told you this is the hardest thing I have ever had to write, but I want to share it because I believe in the power of truth?

This is my truth.

Believe women.